Terlepas Kayangan

Meniti hari2 trakhir tahun 2008 milikku,mmbuai perasaan ini terus alpa hanyut dlm kamar kekecewaan yg dibanjiri nestapa biarpun angin bahagia trkadang menerpa atau acapkali dlanda badai derita..satu prsatu watak selama 12purnama,menjelma dibenakku..masing2 punya karekt0r yg mmpengaruhi suka duka pers0nalitiku..brmula dgn prsetujuan hati dgn kekasih yg xdianggap..ya..pd dasarnya,kami kwn rapat..api cintanya yg mmbakar aku utk trus yakin pd ktulusan nalurinya..lebih tepat kini ku gelarnya,kekasih yg xdianggap..kerna hgga saat ni,kami saling syg tp tidak trikat dgn hbgn..ntah..aku gusar dan keliru bila memikirkn status dirinya dihatiku..aku punya rasa sayang pdnya..tp cinta? Hmm..aku khilaf utk mrungkai jwpn..kerna yg pasti,dia trlalu menyintaiku..100 hari singkat,tp tristimewa bgnya..walhal bgku temp0h 2 sgt lama utk mel0l0skn diriku dr rantai yg 'merantai' jiwaku..14Feb08 lamaran dia di tepian pantai,brlutut di atas pasir yg memutih,bayu laut yg nakal seakan brmain dgn ank rambutku serta mega yg hampir brsembunyi brganti sang rembulan..kisah kasih 100 hari 2 cukup sempurna..kerna dia mengajarku menyayangi insan yg menyintaiku..rindu,cemburu,rajuk,pilu semuanya aku mula arif..dia,Mr. Kayangan..tp khadiran bayangan bekas teman wanitanya membunuh ghairahnya jiwa ragaku mencuba menyintainya..sekali insiden,mungkin xtrasa dhati..namun bila kali ke3 insiden yg sama,jiwa bagai dirasuk api kmarahan hgga hlg prtimbangan kwarasan fikiran..hati kian trkesan benci..aku harus bawa diri tatkala aku sedar,hatinya trkadang menyingkirkn kehadiranku brtapak setia..mungkin dia keliru..atau hilang arah..kerna bekas teman wanitanya ada dlm prsekitaran hbgn kami..ntahlah,aku krg pasti..yg jd tekad dihati,aku cuma mahu dilepas pergi..pagi 2,dia memberi ucapan r0mantis pdku kerna genapnya ikatan kami 100 hari..tnpa sedar,bibit2 prtelingkahan smakin rancak menerjah diri kami pd malam 2..prbualan telef0n 2 brakhir dgn ikatan yg diputuskn..tiada nada kesefahaman lg..butir bicara kian brcanggah dan kasar kedengaran..paksaan terus menerus yg kul0ntarkan menghantar dirinya memutuskan hbgn kami..ahhh..fikiranku menerawang lg..melalui epis0d kasih yg tinggal mem0ri..ada pula trcalit rasa brsalah kpdnya bila difikirkan smula..kerna membiarkn em0si yg mmbuat prcaturan hbgn..biarlah..mgkn mmg aku trcipta bkn untuknya..

Always be a 1st-rate version of maself, instead of a 2nd-rate version of sumbody else

When I stare into mirror, I see my own reflection.. Staring back at me.. But then I look deep within da mirror of my soul.. I see my present n my past.. n wut da future holds.. Hmm.. maybe I should end it all.. So many ways to die!! I lean up against my wall n suddenly begin to cry..

The tears stream down my face, as I begin to say good bye.. Gud bye sunshine, gud bye rainbow, gud bye mummy, daddy, sistas, everybody.. With tearstained cheeks n matted hair..

The mirror has two faces, one of truth, reality.. Da other is wut others see.. My made-up fantasy.. I stood crying in front of da mirror.. My mascara had long since smeared all over my too pale cheeks, n da mirror seemed to cruelly reflect each smudge..

A voice inside my head screamed at me..

"Luna..

"When da broken hearts are mended n da many tears are dried, u learn! When u realize u can live without him, u learn! U see dat da world doesn't end just bcoz u think it will, n dat sumtimes growing up means letting go! U learn wut real love is, n u begin to see dat one fwen who really cares bout u is better than a hundred fwens who dun! U learn dat u can b strong, take each day step by step n survive every sad moment! So feel da pain n cry da tears! Go out n experience life!"

"But when u r at da end of ur rope, n u r ready to jump off dat ledge, remember dat heartache fades, pain subsides n though life seems at times too tough to handle.. It's also too precious a gift to waste!"

"Come on gurl! Keep on living, never give up n remember, AS U GROW, U LEARN..! Lupekan mamat P-O-Y-O tuh!!!!"

Well, mirror, thanks for being there.. But it's time I step away.. It's time my mask came off for gud, da real me is here to stay..