Terlepas Kayangan
Meniti hari2 trakhir tahun 2008 milikku,mmbuai perasaan ini terus alpa hanyut dlm kamar kekecewaan yg dibanjiri nestapa biarpun angin bahagia trkadang menerpa atau acapkali dlanda badai derita..satu prsatu watak selama 12purnama,menjelma dibenakku..masing2 punya karekt0r yg mmpengaruhi suka duka pers0nalitiku..brmula dgn prsetujuan hati dgn kekasih yg xdianggap..ya..pd dasarnya,kami kwn rapat..api cintanya yg mmbakar aku utk trus yakin pd ktulusan nalurinya..lebih tepat kini ku gelarnya,kekasih yg xdianggap..kerna hgga saat ni,kami saling syg tp tidak trikat dgn hbgn..ntah..aku gusar dan keliru bila memikirkn status dirinya dihatiku..aku punya rasa sayang pdnya..tp cinta? Hmm..aku khilaf utk mrungkai jwpn..kerna yg pasti,dia trlalu menyintaiku..100 hari singkat,tp tristimewa bgnya..walhal bgku temp0h 2 sgt lama utk mel0l0skn diriku dr rantai yg 'merantai' jiwaku..14Feb08 lamaran dia di tepian pantai,brlutut di atas pasir yg memutih,bayu laut yg nakal seakan brmain dgn ank rambutku serta mega yg hampir brsembunyi brganti sang rembulan..kisah kasih 100 hari 2 cukup sempurna..kerna dia mengajarku menyayangi insan yg menyintaiku..rindu,cemburu,rajuk,pilu semuanya aku mula arif..dia,Mr. Kayangan..tp khadiran bayangan bekas teman wanitanya membunuh ghairahnya jiwa ragaku mencuba menyintainya..sekali insiden,mungkin xtrasa dhati..namun bila kali ke3 insiden yg sama,jiwa bagai dirasuk api kmarahan hgga hlg prtimbangan kwarasan fikiran..hati kian trkesan benci..aku harus bawa diri tatkala aku sedar,hatinya trkadang menyingkirkn kehadiranku brtapak setia..mungkin dia keliru..atau hilang arah..kerna bekas teman wanitanya ada dlm prsekitaran hbgn kami..ntahlah,aku krg pasti..yg jd tekad dihati,aku cuma mahu dilepas pergi..pagi 2,dia memberi ucapan r0mantis pdku kerna genapnya ikatan kami 100 hari..tnpa sedar,bibit2 prtelingkahan smakin rancak menerjah diri kami pd malam 2..prbualan telef0n 2 brakhir dgn ikatan yg diputuskn..tiada nada kesefahaman lg..butir bicara kian brcanggah dan kasar kedengaran..paksaan terus menerus yg kul0ntarkan menghantar dirinya memutuskan hbgn kami..ahhh..fikiranku menerawang lg..melalui epis0d kasih yg tinggal mem0ri..ada pula trcalit rasa brsalah kpdnya bila difikirkan smula..kerna membiarkn em0si yg mmbuat prcaturan hbgn..biarlah..mgkn mmg aku trcipta bkn untuknya..
Always be a 1st-rate version of maself, instead of a 2nd-rate version of sumbody else
When I stare into mirror, I see my own reflection.. Staring back at me.. But then I look deep within da mirror of my soul.. I see my present n my past.. n wut da future holds.. Hmm.. maybe I should end it all.. So many ways to die!! I lean up against my wall n suddenly begin to cry..
The tears stream down my face, as I begin to say good bye.. Gud bye sunshine, gud bye rainbow, gud bye mummy, daddy, sistas, everybody.. With tearstained cheeks n matted hair..
The mirror has two faces, one of truth, reality.. Da other is wut others see.. My made-up fantasy.. I stood crying in front of da mirror.. My mascara had long since smeared all over my too pale cheeks, n da mirror seemed to cruelly reflect each smudge..
A voice inside my head screamed at me..
"Luna..
"When da broken hearts are mended n da many tears are dried, u learn! When u realize u can live without him, u learn! U see dat da world doesn't end just bcoz u think it will, n dat sumtimes growing up means letting go! U learn wut real love is, n u begin to see dat one fwen who really cares bout u is better than a hundred fwens who dun! U learn dat u can b strong, take each day step by step n survive every sad moment! So feel da pain n cry da tears! Go out n experience life!"
"But when u r at da end of ur rope, n u r ready to jump off dat ledge, remember dat heartache fades, pain subsides n though life seems at times too tough to handle.. It's also too precious a gift to waste!"
"Come on gurl! Keep on living, never give up n remember, AS U GROW, U LEARN..! Lupekan mamat P-O-Y-O tuh!!!!"
Well, mirror, thanks for being there.. But it's time I step away.. It's time my mask came off for gud, da real me is here to stay..
im in no mo0d for lurve…
Well, currently Im nursing ma broken heart. I guess, I’d been born a romantic. In da pit of ma soul, im believed in love at first sight n instant attraction. But I’d a bad habit of leaping into relationships before looked. Maself seemed destined to suffer repeated heartache, n painful breakups…..
Before im opened ma eyes this morning, a feeling of déjà vu crept into ma pounding head. For da second time dat morning déjà vu tightened da back of ma skull n settled in da top of ma chest.
Why do men try n trick women? Because they r all liars n cheats! In da past few days I’d experienced every emotion. Hurt-anger-sorrow-confusion-loss. Then panic n horror. At da moment I’m was numb n so tired… I guess, I could probably sleep for da coming week. Yez, I want to do dat! Sleep til da pain went away…
When I might have tried to believe him, or think Im needed to understand him, but not today! I was through being da queen of denial. Through investing so much of ma life wif men who couldn’t thoroughly invest theirs…
I looked into da mirror, at da brownish circle beneath ma eyes. Hollow-empty… Everything was gone. I’d lost so much in da past few days. Two different guys but both r so in love wif me!
I was physically tired n emotionally bruised. I took a vow to stay away from men, at least til I figured out ma life. Until I’d a moment of clarity. Ma heart n pride were in shreds, but those were all things from which I would recover.
Fakkkk.. Im hurt..
3~no he❤rt 2 b br0ken again…
(5) ❤The
Crush❤
Over time I’ll begin 2 realize dat ma ex isn’t da 0nly one in da world.. ( I juz admit it lorr.. ) “Wo0w!! There’s sum damn fine peeps in this city!!” Da point is, once I able 2 open maself up again, 0ther people will want 2 get 2 n0e me aiite?? “Even if I’m n0t ready 2 start an intense relationship with sumb0dy else, listen here nyima.. — get 0ut there n start having fun again..” Forsure I’ll get 0ver ma ex a l0t faster if I stop m0ping around..
(6) ❤FREEDOM
BABY!!❤
I haven’t th0ught bout ma ex in days, (well it’s a start k..) n Wo0w, there he is strolling d0wn the street wif sum0ne else, AND ma stomach d0esn’t lurch as if there’s a gerbil ( kind of m0use laa.. ) 0n steroids lodged in ma intestines, ma face doesn’t even turn bright red.. ( knape? Xpecaye?? ) n tell u wut, when I say hi , ma ex lo0ks m0re unc0mfortable than me..!! ( hahaha.. serves him rite!! ) Once da enc0unter is over, I stroll away pr0ud n tall.. n dun think b0ut da enc0unter for m0re then 10minutes ever again. ( plus die plak t0leh belakang tinguk aku.. huhuhu.. ) I smile, ( semanis2 senyuman.. ) bc0z......................
n0w I noe............
I’m finally free n ready to
open up n l❤ve again…!!
v( ^,^ )v
Crush❤
Over time I’ll begin 2 realize dat ma ex isn’t da 0nly one in da world.. ( I juz admit it lorr.. ) “Wo0w!! There’s sum damn fine peeps in this city!!” Da point is, once I able 2 open maself up again, 0ther people will want 2 get 2 n0e me aiite?? “Even if I’m n0t ready 2 start an intense relationship with sumb0dy else, listen here nyima.. — get 0ut there n start having fun again..” Forsure I’ll get 0ver ma ex a l0t faster if I stop m0ping around..
(6) ❤FREEDOM
BABY!!❤
I haven’t th0ught bout ma ex in days, (well it’s a start k..) n Wo0w, there he is strolling d0wn the street wif sum0ne else, AND ma stomach d0esn’t lurch as if there’s a gerbil ( kind of m0use laa.. ) 0n steroids lodged in ma intestines, ma face doesn’t even turn bright red.. ( knape? Xpecaye?? ) n tell u wut, when I say hi , ma ex lo0ks m0re unc0mfortable than me..!! ( hahaha.. serves him rite!! ) Once da enc0unter is over, I stroll away pr0ud n tall.. n dun think b0ut da enc0unter for m0re then 10minutes ever again. ( plus die plak t0leh belakang tinguk aku.. huhuhu.. ) I smile, ( semanis2 senyuman.. ) bc0z......................
n0w I noe............
I’m finally free n ready to
open up n l❤ve again…!!
v( ^,^ )v
2~no he❤rt 2 b br0ken again…
(3) ❤The
Melancholy Part❤
( Makin teruk daa.. ) I go through da phase 0f listening 2 songs dat remind me of him.. ( 1 of them is Dealova )… cry int0 a pillow dat remind me of his sh0ulder, n ag0nize bout wut’s going 2 happen next.. ( really2 no idea.. ) Ma life may seem over, but I believe dat time heals all w0unds n even a broken heart will mend 0ver time.. ( chaiy0kk2!! ) Dat moment suxs..!! Fuckin suxs!! “Nyima.. dun hold in your hurt, you’ll only feel w0rst later on girl..”
(Well, I luv m0nologue… nyetttt2.. v( ^,^ )v )
(4) ❤The
Rage❤
"That P-O-Y-O boy!! I treated them like gold!" Diz is da m0st critical stage dat I called - Bitterness. Dunn0 y, I list all his annoying traits dat I once thought was actually cute. ( daaarr.. cute kew??!! ) N0w dat I l0ok go0d n feel go0d, I can actually say n believe, "if he dun want me, that’s his problem, n0t mine..!!" Over time I start missing him less n luv maself m0re.. Next, I keep maself busy wif new hobbies, ( hit da malls almost everyday..! huhu..) family, ( especially wif ma sister’s baby named Mya ) n friends.. Thus, there is n0 point feeling s0rry for maself when there is a wh0le world 0ut there waiting for me with plenty 0f new n exciting pe0ple 2 meet…!!
Melancholy Part❤
( Makin teruk daa.. ) I go through da phase 0f listening 2 songs dat remind me of him.. ( 1 of them is Dealova )… cry int0 a pillow dat remind me of his sh0ulder, n ag0nize bout wut’s going 2 happen next.. ( really2 no idea.. ) Ma life may seem over, but I believe dat time heals all w0unds n even a broken heart will mend 0ver time.. ( chaiy0kk2!! ) Dat moment suxs..!! Fuckin suxs!! “Nyima.. dun hold in your hurt, you’ll only feel w0rst later on girl..”
(Well, I luv m0nologue… nyetttt2.. v( ^,^ )v )
(4) ❤The
Rage❤
"That P-O-Y-O boy!! I treated them like gold!" Diz is da m0st critical stage dat I called - Bitterness. Dunn0 y, I list all his annoying traits dat I once thought was actually cute. ( daaarr.. cute kew??!! ) N0w dat I l0ok go0d n feel go0d, I can actually say n believe, "if he dun want me, that’s his problem, n0t mine..!!" Over time I start missing him less n luv maself m0re.. Next, I keep maself busy wif new hobbies, ( hit da malls almost everyday..! huhu..) family, ( especially wif ma sister’s baby named Mya ) n friends.. Thus, there is n0 point feeling s0rry for maself when there is a wh0le world 0ut there waiting for me with plenty 0f new n exciting pe0ple 2 meet…!!
1~no he❤rt 2 b br0ken again…
(1) ❤The
Realization ❤
Lately I notice dat things hav been a
bit rocky between me n ‘dat b0y’.. well ROCKY may be an understatement..! TREMULOUS, ROLLER COASTER RIDE FROM HELL is much m0re like it I think..huhhh… Ok, maybe now I’m exaggerating.. ( terlebey sudaa..) Anyways, I’ve c0me 2 realize dat things aren’t going 2 work 0ut unless I enjoy getting da "silent treatment".. Someh0w, da sparks dat were flying at da beginning of ma relationship hav n0w turned int0 an uncontr0llable forest fire… ( I guess s0..
) Ultimately, I need 2 muster up da courage n face da fact dat things AREN’T AREN’T WORKING…!!
(2) ❤The
ACTUAL Realization❤
I had da biggest fight ever n v0w never 2 see him again.. Wut happens now when I realize I can never call him again f0r a quick cup 0f coffee… 0r, at all?? Hurmmm… Wut if I start 2 miz him?? Wut if he DON’T miz me?? Then I start 2 think maybe it wasn’t a g0od idea 2 break up after all… ( aduhh.. k0mpius ag.. ) oh no.. no.. n0.. I’ve made up ma mind… OF COURSE it was a go0d idea — our relationship wasn’t w0rking out.. Don’t call him, remember I broke up f0r a reason.. (biarlah rahsia.. ) Juz bc0z I miss him d0esn’t mean it’ll be great when I see him again..!! ( yeahh.. ) I juz keep reminding maself y I broke up in da first place n DON’T CALL HIM!!!
Realization ❤
Lately I notice dat things hav been a
bit rocky between me n ‘dat b0y’.. well ROCKY may be an understatement..! TREMULOUS, ROLLER COASTER RIDE FROM HELL is much m0re like it I think..huhhh… Ok, maybe now I’m exaggerating.. ( terlebey sudaa..) Anyways, I’ve c0me 2 realize dat things aren’t going 2 work 0ut unless I enjoy getting da "silent treatment".. Someh0w, da sparks dat were flying at da beginning of ma relationship hav n0w turned int0 an uncontr0llable forest fire… ( I guess s0..
) Ultimately, I need 2 muster up da courage n face da fact dat things AREN’T AREN’T WORKING…!!
(2) ❤The
ACTUAL Realization❤
I had da biggest fight ever n v0w never 2 see him again.. Wut happens now when I realize I can never call him again f0r a quick cup 0f coffee… 0r, at all?? Hurmmm… Wut if I start 2 miz him?? Wut if he DON’T miz me?? Then I start 2 think maybe it wasn’t a g0od idea 2 break up after all… ( aduhh.. k0mpius ag.. ) oh no.. no.. n0.. I’ve made up ma mind… OF COURSE it was a go0d idea — our relationship wasn’t w0rking out.. Don’t call him, remember I broke up f0r a reason.. (biarlah rahsia.. ) Juz bc0z I miss him d0esn’t mean it’ll be great when I see him again..!! ( yeahh.. ) I juz keep reminding maself y I broke up in da first place n DON’T CALL HIM!!!
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